


all the things i can't think about (and the one that's always on my mind)

by underworld_capcakes



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And in love, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baz Is Missing, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Simon is worried, Watford Eighth Year, the forehead kiss happens, there's a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23461732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underworld_capcakes/pseuds/underworld_capcakes
Summary: "That night, as Simon got ready for bed, he felt for the first time lonely in his room. He used to relish in the nights before Baz arrived, enjoying that he wasn’t there. But ever since they’d started dating, Simon had grown to love Baz’s company and it felt strange now that he wasn’t here.Climbing under the covers, Simon reminded himself it would only be a few days at most before Baz was here with Simon."Or the one where Simon and Baz started dating in Seventh Year, Baz is missing and Simon can't stop worrying.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 1
Kudos: 97





	all the things i can't think about (and the one that's always on my mind)

**Author's Note:**

> This all started during my reread of Carry On and I noticed how Simon was constantly thinking about where Baz was. More than one should be thinking about their supposed arch nemesis. Almost like Simon was worried about him. And then this idea struck. What would it be like if they were already dating and how much more worried would Simon be feeling. And how would their reunion be when Baz came back to Watford.
> 
> Honestly, having written this, not much actually changed because Simon's feelings are lowkey obvious in the beginning of the book.
> 
> Some events and dialogue are taken from Carry On and all rights for that and the characters belong to Rainbow Rowell.
> 
> Huge thanks to Z for the beta!

Simon leaned back in his seat, looking out the window of the train. Breathing in, he finally allowed thoughts of Watford back into his mind. During the summer, Simon normally tried not to think about school, ever since that first summer when he nearly drove himself mad with it. These days, he would push those thoughts away, only letting them in on the way to Watford. It made missing magic a little easier.

But ever since what happened at the end of last term, Simon had been finding it increasingly difficult to keep thoughts of Watford out of his mind. Or more specifically, the thoughts of a certain someone at Watford.

Back when he was twelve, Simon had made a list of all the things he missed most about Watford. Then he’d push them from his mind, not thinking about them until now, on the train.

Leaning against the train window, Simon ran through the list in his head. The sour cherry scones. His best friend Penelope. The football pitch (after recent inspection, Simon realised this may have had something to do with Baz). His school uniform. Simon’s room (he used to argue that this was about having his own space, but maybe this was about Baz too). The Mage (despite what Baz would say against him, he was still the closest thing Simon had to a parental figure). Magic; to Simon, it was more about just being around magic, the wonder of it, how it made him feel less alone. Ebb and the goats. The Wavering Woods. Agatha (well, Simon wasn’t really sure how she fit into his list anymore, but they were still friends, right?)

He never used to be on Simon’s list. They used to hate each. Right from the first day at Watford, when the Crucible cast them together, Baz and Simon never got along. Honestly, Simon couldn’t really peg the start of it all. Something about politics between the Mage and the Old Families. And the whole Baz being an evil vampire conspiracy Simon had. (Turns out he was a vampire, just maybe not an evil one). Anyway, they’d ended up as sort of arch enemies (Penny said the name was overkill), always fighting. Somewhere along the line, Simon realised maybe he was just misinterpreting his feelings. This led to a particular scuffle ending in a searing kiss. But that was a story for another day.

Maybe Baz still wasn’t on the list. The list was strictly for things that Simon missed and that he _wouldn’t_ think about. And Baz just seemed to always be in Simon’s thoughts.

Simon used to argue it was about being aware of his enemy’s next move. But thinking back on it, he realised it was probably just all the small things that made up Baz filling his head and Simon just being in denial about what it all meant. Like really, who spends all day thinking about their nemesis’ hair, or what he looks like while playing football? And the whole vampire thing was really just an excuse to obsess over the guy.

Simon smiled to himself, thinking of how in a few short hours, he’d get to see Baz again.

They hadn’t managed to talk all summer. What with Baz being a Pitch and his whole family hating Simon for being the Mage’s Heir, they’d decided to keep it a secret for a little while. Baz didn’t want to risk letters and The Mage didn’t allow Simon to have a phone (and to contact people really). So it had been three long months without being able to talk to his new boyfriend, and Simon had really started to miss him.

*

Of course there had to be a fucking goblin.

Were things never able to ever just be calm around Simon?

Simon supposed that that was part of the whole being-the-Chosen-One thing. Always life-threatening action.

But sometimes he just really wished he was a normal Watford student, not getting attacked on the way there. Or having to worry about the Humdrum all year.

Well, nothing about Simon was normal. From being a mage to an orphaned one at that (Penny said magicians never gave their kids up) to his magic being as explosive as it was, never letting him have control before he went off.

Honestly, being queer wasn’t anywhere near the top of the list of things that set Simon apart from the other students.

Sighing, Simon shook all thoughts of goblins and strangeness from his head. He was home.

Simon made his way through the grounds of Watford to Mummers House and all the way up the stairs to the top. He paused outside the door to his room, smiling at the idea of finally being back. The smile didn’t leave his face as he stepped inside. It looked the same as always, a gentle reminder of all the years here, now layered over with memories of those happy few months with Baz.

Simon walked across the room to open the window, then sat down on his bed. He looked over at the other bed. Baz wasn’t here yet. Simon wondered if he’d be arriving soon. He’d said last term he was going to come early, so they could spend some time together before the start of the new term.

There was a sound at the door. Simon looked up, alert. Then the door was swinging open and Penelope walked in. She shouldn’t be able to get in. Simon still didn’t know how she does it. Penny wouldn’t say.

Simon didn’t really care how right now; he was just happy to see her.

He shot her a grin. Penny smiled back, before dropping onto Baz’s bed.

Simon gave her a look. “Get off Baz’s bed.”

Penny scoffed. “What, because you’re the only one allowed in it?”

“What! No!” Simon spluttered. “Shut up. You’re not even supposed to be here.”

“Aww, good to see you too Simon.”

Simon smiled. It was good to see her. It always was, especially after the summer holidays. And after what happened with the Humdrum at the end of last term, he was glad to see she was back and all good.

“Ran into a goblin,” Simon said, getting up to unpack his bag.

“Again?” Penny laughed. But Simon could tell she was watching him too. Checking to see if he was okay. That nothing too serious had happened over the summer.

“It’s almost teatime,” Simon said, turning back to Penny. “I’m dying for a scone. And we can catch up there.”

Penny stood up, smiling. “It really is good to see you, Simon.”

As they walked out the room, Simon cast one last glance back in, wondering again when Baz would arrive.

The dining hall was still mostly empty, most of the students not having arrived yet. The tea and scones were great as usual and Penny filled Simon in on her summer. She went to Chicago with her dad and got to see her boyfriend Micah. Eventually, talk shifted to the Humdrum, but nothing new had happened all summer. And it wasn’t as if the Mage had been letting Simon in on any of his plans.

That night, as Simon got ready for bed, for the first time he felt lonely in his room. He used to relish in the nights before Baz arrived, enjoying that he wasn’t there. But ever since they’d started dating, Simon had grown to love Baz’s company and it felt strange now that he wasn’t here.

Climbing under the covers, Simon reminded himself it would only be a few days at most before Baz was here with Simon.

*

The next day, Baz still hadn’t arrived. Simon got excited for a second when he heard someone at the door. But it turned out it was only the Mage. He’d come in, talking about how he wanted Simon to leave Watford to go into hiding, somewhere protected. But Simon couldn’t leave Watford. It was his last year here. He couldn’t leave Penny behind. And he certainly couldn’t leave Baz.

Simon had told the Mage he wouldn’t go, nearly gone off in the process, and in the end, the Mage seemed to leave it, at least for now.

There were more people in the dining hall at lunch today. Term started tomorrow. But there was still no sign of Baz.

Simon and Penny found a table and Simon was just busy filling her in on the Mage’s visit when they were interrupted by an excited scream. Across the hall, a younger girl leapt up and ran towards the door, where there was a shimmering figure. The girl reached out to the figure and they huddled together before the figure eventually faded.

“What was that?” Simon asked.

“A Visiting.”

“A what?” Simon asked, still confused. “What kind of visiting?”

“The Veil is lifting, Simon,” Penny said. “When the dead can come forth and speak truths to us.”

Simon looked around the hall, wondering about his parents. He often thought about why they’d left him, but he sometimes wondered if there was more to it. If they were dead, he hoped they’d Visit him.

That night was the welcome-back picnic on the Great Lawn. There’d be games and fireworks, a great first experience of Watford for the First Years. Simon had many great memories of the previous picnics, but this was his last one. He wanted to sit back and enjoy the evening before Eighth Year gets on its way.

But Baz wasn’t back yet.

Simon thought they would get to spend their last picnic together, without their usual rivalry.

Simon wasn’t sure if he was annoyed that Baz was late to school, or if he was starting to get worried.

Penny and Simon made their way across the lawn, trying to find a spot to sit. They were just spreading out their picnic, sandwiches and cake, when Agatha walked over. She smiled at them both, before joining them and sitting on their blanket.

“Hi, Penny. Hi Simon. How were your summers?”

“It was okay,” Simon said.

“Mine was good, thanks,” Penny answered.

Simon still wasn’t really sure where they stood. But he smiled and asked, “How was yours?”

As Agatha started talking about her summer and how it good it was to be back with her Normal friends, Simon relaxed. He realised that despite their break up and the awkwardness that followed, they were still able to return to their friendship. He lay back on the blanket, feeling glad.

As the fireworks went off in the sky, Simon smiled to himself. He was with his two best friends. They were all together and laughing. He was home.

Simon was getting ready for bed that night when he wondered again about Baz. He hadn’t seen him all night. He hadn’t come over to say hi to Simon, and Simon hadn’t even seen him sitting with his own friends.

It wasn’t like Baz to miss the welcome back night.

Maybe a year ago Simon wouldn’t have minded, even enjoyed Baz not being there. But now he couldn’t stop thinking about Baz. And why he wasn’t back yet.

Climbing into bed, Simon looked over at Baz’s side of the room. It was still so empty. Simon sighed, turning over in bed. Maybe he’d arrive early tomorrow morning.

Simon was just drifting off to sleep when he heard a sound in the room. He sat up, thinking maybe it was Baz. But looking around the room, Simon could see he was alone.

There was a rustling at the window. It was still open. Simon got up to close it, before settling back into bed, this time not quite feeling alone.

*

Baz was still not there when Simon woke up.

Neither was he at breakfast. Or in first period.

At this point, Simon was starting to get proper worried. It wasn’t like Baz to miss school.

At lunch, Simon tried asking Penny what she thought about why Baz wasn’t here. Penny just sighed exasperatedly. 

“I didn’t live through seven years of you constantly obsessing over Baz for you to graciously stop last year, only for your whining to start up again.” But at the worried look on Simon’s face, she softened. “Don’t worry so much. I’m sure he’ll turn up sooner or later. It’s probably just some weird family shit.”

“Maybe,” Simon muttered. But he wasn’t convinced. His instincts told him something was up, and they weren’t usually wrong when it came to Baz.

After Political Science, when Baz still hadn’t shown up, Simon cornered his best friend Niall.

“Where is he?” Simon asked roughly.

“Your dick? Sorry, haven’t seen it.” Niall retorted.

Simon just managed to stop himself from growling in frustration.

“Where’s Baz?” he demanded instead.

Niall tried to push past Simon, but Simon stepped in front, blocking him. He needed an answer.

Niall looked up at Simon and sneered, “What’s it to you, Snow?”

He didn’t know the truth about Simon and Baz. Baz hadn’t wanted to tell his friends yet, and Simon wasn’t going to push him. They hadn’t really wanted to tell anyone at first, but Penny had been smart enough and noticed the changes and figured it out on her own. They’d had to tell Agatha as well, but that was all. No one else knew. It was getting increasingly difficult now that Simon wanted answers though. But he wasn’t about to out his boyfriend, no matter how desperate he was to find him.

Simon breathed in, trying to calm himself.

“He’s my roommate.”

 _That’s the least of it,_ Simon thought. _He’s my boyfriend. And I’m worried about him!_

“Aren’t you glad he’s not here then,” Niall said. “You always seemed to go on about how much you hated him.”

“Where is he?” Simon demanded again.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Niall said, pushing past Simon and laughing.

*

Baz hadn’t arrived by the next day. Or the next.

His seat in class remained empty.

The football team started practising without him.

Simon had tried asking Niall again, and Baz’s cousin Dev, but they didn’t give him any answers.

And the more Baz stayed away, the more worried Simon became. He kept bringing up his wonderings with Penny. At first, she’d been annoyed, telling him to stop complaining and that Baz would return soon. But after a few weeks, Simon could tell Penny was also getting worried. She kept up a brave face around Simon though, telling him it would all be fine.

It was strange, not walking down to the football pitch and watching Baz. But Simon steered clear of the pitch, not able to watch practice without Baz there.

Instead, he walked on into the hills to visit Ebb. Not that he really thought she’d have answers about Baz. She didn’t, but it was nice to see her. And the goats.

Penny started coming around to Simon’s room in the evenings. Some nights she’d stay so late that she’d end up having to sleep in Baz’s bed instead of walking over to her own dorm. She said it was because she wanted to stay away from her roommate Trixie, but Simon knew she did it because she didn’t want him to be lonely.

Simon stopped looked for Baz in all the places he was supposed to be. He wasn’t there anyway.

But Simon didn’t give up looking.

At night he searched through the Wavering Wood, even stopping to ask the dryads. But Baz wasn’t there.

Simon searched throughout the school grounds, looking around between classes, after them. Nothing.

Penny said he was going mad.

Eventually, Simon gave up looking around the grounds, and instead headed underground, to the Catacombs underneath the White Chapel. Walking around the Catacombs reminded Simon of Fifth Year, back when he was convinced Baz was a vampire and he wanted to prove it to everyone. Thinking back, it really hadn’t only been about Baz being a vampire. Now being down here just made Simon sad.

There was no sign of him. Not even any freshly dead rats.

But Simon just kept looking.

A few days before Halloween the Mage returned to school from whatever he was up to. He called Simon in to talk. He was worried again about Simon’s safety. But at this point, Simon was more worried about Baz than he was worried about the Humdrum attacking him. He didn’t tell the Mage this, only saying he was fine. He did ask about Baz though, and if Mage knew anything about why he was missing. His only response was that some of the Old Families were keeping their sons home, planning a move against the Mage.

Simon told Penny this, but he didn’t believe this was what was happening with Baz. It wasn’t something Baz would do. He loved Watford too much. And he’d have let Simon know.

Simon gave up looking around the catacombs, instead, searching the ramparts.

Baz wasn’t there either.

*

Simon wasn’t sleeping. He was lying awake, thinking about Baz.

It had been weeks since the term had started. And still no sign of Baz. The longer it went on, the more trouble Simon was having falling asleep at night. Every time he almost drifted off, his mind started wandering again, trying to provide reasons for Baz’s absence.

Simon was shaken from his thoughts when he heard a noise.

A creaking at the window.

A cold wind blew in through the open window, creeping into the room. Simon pulled the blankets up and shut his eyes.

He felt the chill move closer. He opened his eyes again. At the end of his bed stood a woman. She was shimmering slightly. A Visitor.

“You’re not him,” she said.

“Who are you?”

“I keep coming here. To his place. But he’s not here, only you.”

Simon looked closer at the women. She was wearing formal robes, with dark hair pulled back and grey eyes. Simon was sure he recognised her from somewhere. Then it clicked. The old headmistress portrait. Natasha Pitch.

Baz’s mum.

Baz’s dead mother was here, giving a Visiting, and he’s not even here to talk to her.

“Where is my son?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Simon said. “I’m looking for him too.”

She looked around the room sadly, then turned her gaze back to Simon. It was so similar to the looks Baz could give sometimes.

“The veil will be closing soon,” she said. “It’ll be twenty years before I can see my son again. You’ll have to do.”

“Do what?”

“Tell my son that my killer walks. Nicodemus knows. Tell Basilton to find Nico and bring me peace. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Simon said, only understanding partly. For the most part, he felt bad that he had to carry this message. That Baz wouldn’t be able to see his mother.

“Tell him,” she said. Then she moved closer to Simon, looking as if she was about to cry. “My son. Give him this.” Then she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Simon’s temple.

The kiss made Simon feel sad. Baz wouldn’t be able to get a last gentle kiss from his mother.

“My son,” Natasha said, slowly fading away.

It took a while for Simon to fall asleep again. The Visit had left him with a lingering feeling of sadness.

But he must have fallen asleep because he was suddenly awoken by a fresh breeze of cold air. He couldn’t see anything, but he could feel there was something there.

Then a voice.

“My son, my son. Simon, Simon. My rosebud boy.”

Simon rolled over, trying to block out the cold. He pulled his blanket over his chin and willed sleep to come.

*

The next morning at breakfast, Simon still felt unsettled. He’d left his room as soon as possible, not wanting to hang around with the spirits. Damn whatever Penny said about them being harmless. Let’s see how Penny dealt with having a Visitor arriving in her room in the middle of the night.

Simon knew he should probably tell Penny about the Visiting. But he felt bad doing so. The Visit wasn’t meant for him. It was Baz’s mother, with a message to him. The strangest thing about Simon’s relationship with Baz was his newfound loyalty to him.

Simon wasn’t about to go around talking about Baz’s business unless he had his permission.

But that would be hard to get, seeing as Baz still wasn’t around.

Simon pushed his eggs around in his plate. He wasn’t feeling particularly hungry this morning. Ever since the start of the term, his appetite hadn’t been the same as it usually would have been, but after last night it felt especially lacking.

He could feel Penny watching him.

“What is it?” he asked, looking up at her.

“Are you okay, Simon?” she said, searching his face. “You seem a bit off this morning. You’ve hardly even touched your breakfast. You look a bit like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Simon let out a huff of laughter. Her observation wasn’t that far off. He had, after all, technically seen a ghost last night. And even though Simon usually told Penny everything, he still didn’t feel comfortable letting her in on this.

Simon spluttered for a second, trying to come up with an answer that would ease Penny’s worrying. He was just opening his mouth to reply when the doors of the dining hall burst open.

Everyone in the room went silent, looking over at the doorway. There was a figure standing just beyond the door, in the shadows, but no one was scared anymore. Everyone was used to the Visitings arriving in the hall by now.

But when the figure stepped forward, Simon’s breath caught in his throat.

The boy was tall, long black hair swept back, mouth set in a sneer. His face was as familiar to Simon as his own.

Baz.

Simon stood up, shock and relief coursing through his body. He didn’t even register his chair falling over.

He took a moment to drink Baz in, his eyes noting how Baz seemed thinner. He was paler than usual too, even for a vampire. From this far away he could have been a Visitor. Simon hadn’t even once in all his searching, stopped to think of the possibility that Baz had _died._

But when he stepped further into the room, he remained solid. Simon next breath came out in a choked sob.

Before he registered what he was doing, Simon was striding across the dining hall. Anything to get closer to Baz. He felt as the room around him grew tense, the older students bracing for a fight they were so used to happening between Simon and Baz.

In a few short strides, Simon was in front of Baz. He didn’t stop, stepping closer to him and enveloping Baz in an embrace. It had been months since Simon had last seen him. Last held him. Touched him.

Simon let out a shaky breath, pulling Baz closer. He felt Baz’s arms coming up around his back, clutching onto him. Simon buried his head in Baz’s neck, breathing him in. The familiar scent of his posh soaps filled Simon’s lungs. Cedar. It was grounding.

The hall around them came back to life, buzzing with talking and questions. But it all faded away under the familiar feeling of Baz’s arms around Simon, the feeling of Baz back in Simon’s.

Simon pulled back slightly, still holding onto Baz’s shoulders, leaving enough space to take a closer look at him.

He took another shaky breath. “You’re here.”

“I’m here.”

Baz smiled weakly at Simon. It didn’t escape Simon’s notice how sickly he looked up close, how frail he felt under Simon’s hands.

Something had definitely happened.

“You okay?” Simon asked, ducking his head closer Baz’s, failing to keep the concern out of his voice.

“Yeah,” he replied, giving Simon another smile.

But Simon didn’t quite believe him. He’d spent years watching Baz, back when he was convinced he was evil. Despite that resulting in no real conclusions, Simon had become very well attuned to Baz’s body language. He noted the tightness in his smile, the way he was walking with a slight limp and the sickly tinge to his skin. The emptiness in his grey eyes.

“Come on,” Simon said, gently holding onto to Baz’s elbow and leading him towards the serving tables. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

Simon didn’t mention his burning desire to know where the fuck Baz had been these last few weeks. He didn’t want to push him. Especially here, in front of the whole school. He knew Baz would tell him later. But right now his main concern was making sure his boyfriend was really okay.

Baz dished up a generous plate, clearly starving. Simon tried to push his concern down. When Baz was done, they both turned back to the hall. Simon caught the way Baz hesitantly glanced between his usual table with Dev and Niall, and the table where Simon had previously been sitting

Baz gave Simon a sheepish smile. “I better head over to my table. We’ve already made a bit of a spectacle. We’re supposed to hate each other Snow, remember?”

“I could never forget,” Simon laughed. Then softer, added, “I’m sorry if that was a bit much. It’s just…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Baz said, cutting Simon off. “I’m okay. But I still think I should head over there.”

“Just glad my nemesis is back,” Simon said with a grin. They moved away, heading back to their own tables, but after a few paces, Simon called back. “I’m expecting answers though, Pitch.”

*

The rest of the day was torture. It was worse than when Baz was still missing. Because now he was _right there_ , sitting two rows in front of Simon in Greek, acting as if he’s been here all along. Acting as if everything was normal.

Except Simon could tell something serious had happened.

And now the constant worry that had been living in Simon’s belly for the last few weeks was replaced with overwhelming concern.

Simon was sure he hadn’t heard anything in classes today. He’d spent most of the day staring at the back of Baz’s head. He was partly relieved that Baz’s head was here to be stared at, but the rest of his brain was cataloguing all the little changes in him, wondering what caused them.

The end of the day crawled along. Simon didn’t even bother going down for tea (probably for the first time in his whole school career). He went straight up to their room.

Baz wasn’t there yet when he got there.

Simon realised skipping tea may have been a stupid idea. Baz could be in the dining hall right now and Simon was just pointlessly waiting around for him.

He started pacing across the room, getting impatient that he was still waiting to see Baz again. Simon was just considering going down to the dining hall to look for him when the door opened.

“There you are,” Simon said, halting his pacing to stare over at Baz

“This is my room too, Snow,” Baz said flatly.

Simon grinned. Despite the changes in their relationship, despite Baz’s recent absence and whatever that had done to him, Baz was still… Baz. Even at the end of last term, he’d kept up his antagonising ways, riling Simon up just so. Except he knew that Simon didn’t really mind it. Simon liked it. Well, definitely not as much as he liked the kissing, but it was good to see Baz’s normal ways were still intact. It reassured Simon.

Baz walked over to his bed, dropping his school bag at the bottom before sitting down. “You going to keep standing there and staring at me like a loon?”

“Where’ve you been?” Simon shot back, still standing.

But Simon watched as Baz face shuttered, expression going closed. He was breathing slowly, posture slightly bent forward. He was still so pale.

A year ago Simon would have brushed the signs off, moving around the room and minding his own business. But he knew Baz well enough to know something was up. And he cared.

God, how he cared about this damned boy. It had been years of pining in denial, then a few short months of this wonderful new thing. Simon had spent months missing Baz over the summer and then weeks worrying about where he was. And now Baz was finally here, right in front of him, close enough for Simon to walk over to and touch, or kiss. Simon’s heart clenched with the overwhelming rush of emotions.

But looking down at Baz, Simon just wanted to hold him.

Simon moved involuntarily, stepping over to the bed and sitting down beside Baz. He placed his arm around Baz’s shoulder, pulling him close.

“What happened?” he asked, his voice soft.

“I was kidnapped.”

“What?!” Simon spluttered, shocked. This wasn’t what Simon was expecting. And it didn’t help to ease his concern.

Baz turned to Simon, his face serious. “Don’t you dare laugh at me.”

“Why on earth would I be laughing at you?” Simon asked, baffled at why Baz would think that. “This is hardly a situation I would be laughing at.”

“Just promise me that you won’t,” Baz said, looking down into Simon’s eyes.

Simon sighed. “I won’t. But only if you properly tell me what happened.”

“I told you, I was kidnapped.” Baz looked down, his expression slightly pained. He sighed. “By fucking numpties.”

Simon couldn’t help it, he let out a laugh. Of all the crazy things to have happened, he never would have thought numpties. It just seemed so bizarre that numpties would be capable of kidnapping Baz, and leaving him looking as weathered as he was.

“Don’t laugh!”

“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Simon took a deep breath, then turned to look at Baz. He looked embarrassed. “Wait you’re serious? So this is why you missed the start of term?”

Baz let out a resigned breath. He turned his head to the window, his gaze going outside. Simon kept his eyes on Baz’s face, studying him. He dropped his arm from around Baz’s shoulders, instead lightly taking hold of his hand.

“I was on my way back from the tennis club when they got me,” Baz said, still looking out the window. “Locked me in a coffin for six weeks. Lucky for me, they still gave me blood every few days. But I was still more dead than usual by the time Aunt Fiona found me.”

Simon was still dumbstruck at the fact that it was numpties. But the thought of Baz stuck in a coffin, in the dark, with nothing but occasional blood supplies, left him feeling unsettled. At least he was here now.

“Why’d they kidnap you?” he asked.

“Not really sure,” Baz said, finally turning to look at Simon. “There was a ransom. Fiona refused to let Father pay it. She didn’t even really want me to come back to school. But I insisted. After I rested up a bit of course.”

“That’s,” Simon started, still slightly baffled. “I don’t even know what to say. I don’t really know what I expected had happened, but certainly not this.”

Baz smirked at Simon. “What, thought I was off plotting against you?”

Simon pulled a face at him. “Very funny, Baz.” Then he tugged on Baz’s hand, turning serious. “But no. I didn’t think anything like that, actually. I was worried sick most of the time. Driving Penny right mad with it.”

Simon gave Baz a soft smile, reaching over with his free hand to push the hair that was falling into Baz’s eyes back. Simon’s voice was soft as he said, “I’m glad you’re back. And that you’re mostly okay.”

Baz leaned into Simon’s hand, closing his eyes. He felt cold. It wasn’t unusual for Baz to be colder than normal people, but Simon still wanted to wrap him up close and hold on tight.

Simon leaned in, resting their foreheads together. His eyes fluttered shut. It felt good to be close to Baz again, sharing the same space and breathing slowly together.

He felt a smile growing on Baz’s face beneath his palm.

“I never thought I’d be glad to see you again,” Baz said exasperatedly, but his smile betrayed him, showing his relief to be back.

Simon laughed. He opened his eyes but didn’t move back. Baz was smiling properly now, his eyes still closed. This close, Simon could feel Baz’s breath on his face. He could see where his nose was still slightly crooked near the bottom from when Simon had broken it in a fight in third year.

Simon tilted his head that last bit closer and kissed Baz. Simon closed his eyes, sinking into the moment. Baz’s mouth was cold beneath his. But the longer they kissed, Simon could feel warmth drawing into his cheek beneath Simon’s palm and under his lips. Simon pressed in closer, trying to wordlessly tell Baz: _I’ve got you now._

Oh, how he’d missed this. Missed Baz. But he was here now and Simon wasn’t about to let him go anytime soon.

Simon pulled back, drawing his hand back down. He rested his head on Baz’s shoulder, disentangling their hands to wrap his arm around Baz’s waist. He couldn’t stop the soft smile from growing on his face even if he tried (not that he wanted to.)

Simon’s eyes caught on the curtain swaying in a breeze from the open window. It reminded him of last night. He could almost still picture the figure standing there.

“Baz,” Simons started, not quite sure how to continue. He’d never really been good with words and he didn’t quite know how to bring up Baz’s mother. But he needed to tell Baz.

“Hmm?” He felt Baz’s hum of question more than heard it.

“I need to tell you something,” Simon said, just going for it.

Baz pulled away from where Simon was resting against him. He turned sideways to face Simon, his expression unreadable. “Sounds serious.”

“It is. I…” Simon faltered. His gaze drifted to the window again. “The Veil. It lifted while you were gone.”

Simon looked back at Baz. His brow was slightly furrowed, and Simon could tell he was figuring it out. He was always so smart. His expression flickered, a flurry of emotion passing over it before it settled on a sort of resigned sadness.

“My mother…” Baz said. “She Visited?”

“She was looking for you,” Simon said, reaching for Baz’s hand. “She came to our room, saying this was your place. When I told her I didn’t know where you were, she gave me your message.”

“My mother was here.” His voice was emotionless, but Simon could see his jaw working. “And I couldn’t see her because I was locked in a fucking coffin.”

“Hey,” Simon said softly, tugging gently on Baz’s hand. “You couldn’t control that.”

“I’ll never get to see her,” Baz murmured, ignoring Simon. Then he sat up straight, giving his head a slight shake. “What did she tell you?”

“Um.” Simon thought back to the night before, trying to recall Natasha Pitch’s exact words. “She said… she said her killer still walks. Find Nico? Nicodemus. He knows. Find him and bring her peace.”

“Fuck,” Baz said. Then he frowned. “But I thought it was the vampires. And she killed them.”

Simon shrugged, not knowing what more to add.

“And who the fuck is Nicodemus?”

“She didn’t say.”

Baz looked down for a moment, clearly thinking the message over. When he looked back up at Simon, there was a determined look in his eyes. “I’m going to figure this out. But… Will you help me?”

Simon didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

The determination set in Baz’s eyes made him seem more alive. This morning in the hall he had walked in with a cool mask on, but Simon had seen through it to how shaken he was. Now that he had his mind set on a purpose, Simon could tell some of his usual strength was returning.

Looking at Baz now, Simon could see the similarities between him and his mother. It drew his mind back to the night before and what Baz’s mother had done before she faded away.

“There was something else,” Simon said. “Your mother, she wanted me to give you this.”

Simon stood up, so he was standing taller than Baz, moving to stand in front of him. He rested his hand on Baz’s shoulder, then leaned down. Simon pressed a kiss to Baz’s temple, in the same place the ghost of his mother had done for Simon. It may not be a kiss directly from his mother, but Simon was glad that even in a small way he was able to pass on the love she had for her son to Baz.

Simon didn’t know why Baz had been kidnapped. He didn’t know who Nicodemus was. He wasn’t even sure how they’d find him and solve all this, let alone what he’d do about the Humdrum when that day came. But at this moment it didn’t matter. Baz was here. They were together, and they had each other.

There was always tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this. Honestly this was just me indulging in this idea because I wanted to read it.
> 
> Maybe one day we'll see that 'story for another day'.
> 
> [My tumblr](https://underworld-capcakes.tumblr.com/)


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